Cold Feet
by nattylovesjordy
Summary: A dive into Sarah's mind moments before she walks down the aisle to marry Chuck.


_**Author's Note**: Thank you **Shrimpy Kay** for editing this. It's been a while and by 'a while' I mean years. Please leave a review. It is not easy for every writer to put themselves out there and no feedback always makes it harder. Thank you._

_**Disclaime****r**: I do not own Chuck or anything related to the TV show._

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**Cold Feet**

When Chuck proposed, Sarah's eyes glistened like the moon's reflection on the ocean midst a clear summer night. Her eyes collected tiny pools of water. When she squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms around Chuck, her lids sent the pools smoothly cascading down her cheeks in a solitary wave.

She had known from Morgan what Chuck had been planning in France, but their moment in the hospital could not have felt any more perfect.

What happened after the hospital, however, felt forced. She knew the importance of the family-filled, traditional wedding to Chuck, but she did not have that family. She had Chuck and, for her, that was all she needed. Sarah never intended to hurt his feelings, or Ellie's for that matter, but a wedding by his terms frightened her.

Even now, engaged to be married, Sarah had not told Chuck every detail about her past. When he brought her old team back a part of her regretted keeping the secret from him. That part of her filled her gut with guilt.

The other, larger part of her, though, stood by her decision. Even with how much she had changed as a person, Sarah Walker was not ready to face her family, nor was she ready to have Chuck do it for her. She wanted to protect him from whatever he may find out, but more than that, she needed to protect herself.

When she first met Chuck, never would she have considered getting married. She was married to her job, fully dedicated to serving her country. Despite the hostility between Casey and herself, they were essentially alike. Both agents would do anything to serve their country and both were one of the best, if not the best, in their agency.

Neither of them would have considered marriage.

Chuck changed her before she realized it herself.

She tried to fight this change as she would any hand-to-hand combat situation. Thinking Chuck was the source of the problems, she lashed out verbally at him. Sometimes her words came out in an anger-ridden tone but other times she simply rejected him. Wounding him, however, never made her feel any better.

When given an escape—Bryce—she tried to accept his offer, but her heart had transformed too much to pick up the phone and go back to where it had once been. It took her a long time, and a few other male agents such as Cole and Shaw, but she eventually realized that both she and Chuck would be miserable if she did not allow herself to give in.

Now, standing in her makeshift dressing room, she was both ready and nervous. Guns, knives, and "bad guys" she can handle, but the prospect of the unknown, even with Chuck standing by her side, gave her butterflies.

"Got cold feet?" Devon's joke brought Sarah's focus back to the present. She smoothed the torso of her dress over with her hands, needing something to distract herself. She had no gun or knife to clean, no dossiers to study for an upcoming mission, or fiancé to assure her. Sarah was not scared, but her hands shook. This was a big moment in her life and she felt halfway present.

She smiled, trying to assure herself more than Devon. She thought she was ready, but all of the sudden a creeping feeling climbed up her spine.

"Devon!" Ellie's tone would have made Sarah laugh had she been paying more attention. "Don't tease her!" Ellie shoved Devon in the arm before handing him little Clara. Her hands finally free, she wrapped her arms around Sarah's shoulders. "Don't listen to what he says," she whispered in Sarah's ear. "You look beautiful. You two have gone through so much. What's a little wedding compared to all of that?"

Ellie's words struck a chord. Why should she have cold feet? Standing out there was a handsome, caring man whom she loved and who loved her back all the same.

She had rejected Chuck on multiple accounts and they had moved past that. Bryce created ripples in their already rough relationship (or lack there of) and they overcame that. Chuck constantly refused to stay in the damn car only to foolishly protect Sarah. Once she yelled at him all she had wanted to do was wrap him in her arms because he survived.

Together, they defused bombs, had been captured dozens of times, and went dumpster diving for engagement rings. Both of them lied to the people they loved and dealt with the repercussions of their deceit. They had experienced the loss of loved ones and the beginning of a new life.

Sarah returned to that moment in time, soon after Chuck proposed, when she and Chuck visited Ellie and the baby. Watching their faces glow in that moment and in her memory affirmed what she wanted.

As she stood outside the apartment with Chuck watching Devon propose to Ellie and when Chuck was so quickly ready to sacrifice himself for them when they were held hostage in the store, Sarah truly started piecing together the importance of family.

Trying to sway him to the private ceremony, Sarah never thought that being surrounded with his family could be enough to replace the members of her family that would not be present. With Ellie by her side, and the two of them surrounded by the other important people in their lives, she did not mind the larger scale wedding at all.

Her family they could deal with later as long as she still had people to fall back on.

Thinking of all of the other obstacles they overcame and all of the times she struggled to hide or express her feelings, Sarah knew that this time would be no different.

_No, Devon_, she wanted to say. _I don't have cold feet; I just want to do this right. _

Ellie let go of her and looked around the room to make sure everybody in the bridal party was set. Content with how everyone looked, she picked up Sarah's bouquet and extended it to her. "Are you ready?"

Taking a deep breath, Sarah answered, "I've never been so unprepared yet prepared in my entire life." The two sisters shared a smile and moved into their places.

Mary Bartowski took her granddaughter from Devon's arms. Together, they walked down the aisle as the flower girls. Behind them walked Carina with Casey and Zondra and Devon, much to Morgan's relief, bringing together her old life with that of her new life. Most importantly to both of them, their two best friends, Ellie and Morgan, walked arm and arm down the aisle.

Seeing Chuck surrounded by their family, Sarah took the first step into her life. She did not think of the troubles the future may hold or the complications that could arise from their job. Instead, she imagined only the new experiences they would share and the life that she never thought she would have.

Taking his hands, she knew that they could quite literally take the world but she was more than willing to let him give it to her.


End file.
